A new tumblr has opened, which I will be working on probably over the next week or so. I don’t have internet in my place. So the treatment today was in regards to that. I only have my phone, which means articles & emails is pretty limited. I use apps. There’s a lot of stuff from the end of the week (thurs/fri) yet I need to update my cv & work on that. No I want to come back now. Had enough. I don’t know when it is yet even though I want that, I have to do things & those things already in motion & set started already here in uk. Why are people such assholes conniving shits? Enjoy. Article/note from facebook:

‘m too humilated angry upset absolutely amazed & astonished, astounded & pised off at the world _ when can I NOT use the internet in a cafe in waterstones & have my own food? I need to use the internet. went to another place. I swear i should hve started an ANON protest. “i”m not moving until to you give me a drink coz i’m broke” when the line  of people all around, how can i even be served let alone get a drink. him patronizing me & talking down to me PISSED ME OFF MORE. dick happy in his 9-5 mcjob . FUCK YOU. Soon there will be NO opinions, no choices, only robotic movement that is the human race. I’m so damn disgusted by how humans become MUTANTS. They just sit there & don’t think it’s their job to help or console anyone who’s in distress. I was fucking bawling my eyes out coz I wanted to fucking stab that fucking prick. I could have put my sandwich knife in his eye.

That’s just it, people will help if someone is sick or dying or fallen or had an accident, yet if some one has an argument or assholes tell you what to do people sit there like sheep unnoticable, oh it’s not my problem, I want to leave this sodding place. No I don’t even know if I want to come back to DE yet I need to find work, do business. Honestly I just want to focus on the future than keep having this shit effect/affect me, yet people just think THEIR WAY IS THE RIGHT WAY. Erm transformers, xmen, if the wedding planner (flim) can quote the Hulk then there we go…..

My point is what is the world coming too. Are humans going to club together & fight lets say bioweapon virus or whatever? Or are they gonna hate each other & sit there? likely the 2nd after all the BULLSHIT I experience(d). Makes me think of the film “the Invasion” yet that’s the future. Outbreak is a good version of this. Conspiracy theory is probably life right now. Survival. Does anyone think of this, aware of this, spread the message that CONTROL SOCIETY will ruin us? America electing a new president doesn’t help. England gearing up for Queen’s Diamond Jubilee? Honestly I don’t care who’s in power what or where. All dictators & governments are the same. Get rid of them. I thought about taking time out of music, a career change lately

No I haven’t decided what I will do or if I will do yet. Maybe I should write some kind of novel. Futuristic & scifi. We’re so caught up in material welfare & possessions that it’s new for me, parts of the world only make 1 dollar or euro equivilent PER DAY. We bitch about 6£ or 10$ or 8¢ is bad enough. THE EFFECT & SOCIAL WELFARE. It’s something I want to do & needs sorting out. Will you stand up & do something or do you just sit there? “DO you stand discreet or do you act?” Think about it. I look at kids, children, mums with babies in prams etc when I’m in the city & WORRY. I’m scared of this future. I’m afraid. What hope is there? What education will THEY have? Do others around the world get the same opportunties as us here? NO which is why I want to primarily leave & travel. H.

gillyberlin:

Mau (Wurde mit instagram aufgenommen)

das ist eine sehr “cool cat”. das magst intelligent. Ich leiber schwartz katzen :)

I’ve read business books, I’ve read MUSIC BUSINESS BOOKS (which are bullshit), I would have written one by now if there WAS a valid way of doing xyz. THERE NEVER IS with this. “that’s entertainment” as it’s often been said to me & by various numerous hairy omnious personnel. It’s also as K’s motto was to me “it’s not whom you know but whom you trust.” Amen to that buddy. Anyway I don’t have internet in my place. I tend to use coffee houses. Yet I have a wary sensitive issue with personal macbook a) going public places with me b) people seeing what I’m doing & privacy to my data. The 2nd of this is what makes me SO ultra excited about these NL courses. Not saying I’m taking them or jumping ahead of the game. I’ve got to the point where I’ve been in hospital, I’ve had friends & companies die. IT CHANGES YOU & IT’S CHANGED ME. Life throws at you what it throws at you & I always say you live with what you get dealt. That’s easier said than done. Yet life is what YOU make it.

I can quit music or indefinitely sit on my ass. X has to pay for Y & creativity isn’t done out of air, tours aren’t built on jet fuel, cities on rocks etc. I’ve got to that crucial crux in my life where I spent the last 2 months wrestling with this internal snake & career fork in the roads, a vicious internal struggle. I had to give up photography. My eyesight won’t get any easier, nor better, yet you get round it. I remember all those pep talks Z used to give me in London years ago. Also I’m sick of people treating disabilities as an excuse, as a hindrance. We’re human, we’re living breathing people, the only difference is we seen as the XMEN RACE, we’re missing x or we’re different in a way from others, therefore that is WRONG. No that’s just society’s take on FEAR. I’m fed up with people who can’t have open minds. Also I don’t want to be lumped with a social stigma. Why are health issues a taboo? Like gay wasn’t considered socially ok all those decades ago? Transgender? It’s discrimination, yet NO BODY in a majority looks at the minority. They just don’t want to know. It shocks me. It stifflingly SHOCKS me. It’s downright degrading & disgusting. People’s sexual orientation shouldn’t matter, so why does something people can’t choose or change be?  That’s not the problem. It’s the view being the voyer. Like how race many decades ago was shunned. Germany & South Africa & USA went through this yet people don’t think about those times. It’s a digital world & a SELF CENTRED SOCIETY. Yet this is 2012 you tell yourself. Is it? It doesn’t feel it yet it is.

So I need to work on production, the actual physical aspect of MAKING an album. Which means computers & gadgets. Which means money. How do I make that capital? Hard you say? Yeah coz banks are government owned fiscal anal shafting dictators. Ask OWS about that, I’m not getting into it. Well correction they are NOT that yet have BECOME that. Before 08/09 dire decimated collapse of hell they WOULD lend to start ups & SMEs. Now we’re circus folk. We’re the freakshow of the business world. Thanks capitalists shark loaning bigots. Easy I say. Raise it. How can I test my a) market b) do market research c) measure stock control all in one? I’m not giving away my secrets yet I have an answer. I’ll do it on the fucking street & subway if I have too. I don’t get why local resources & thift stalls are retro & dated & frowned upon. Yet if you want capital, don’t go to a bank, do it diy. Rent a hall or artspace or warehouse, invite your facebook mail out/friends added stuff & there we go. If other businesses want to pitch, cool. So be it, I might do that. Once a month, share the costs. What you make on your table you keep. Similar to a car boot sale or market store holdings. Yet more punk rockabilly vibe than solely lets make money. What about doing this in a park or a forest, having music events done this way? I’m just throwing ideas to the wind. I don’t want to tell people how to do things, yet more wanting to work inconjunction with people I admire, friends I respect, open the possibilities to other businesses, mke a community feel. More later. H

So I’ve been having time away working on what I want to focus & prioritize on. A lot of you know I’ve grown heavily disillusioned by music from leaving London in late summer/early autumn 2006. My thoughts rest on returning to study. Most likely if accepted, in NL some where. Nothing’s concrete or sorted out. I will at some point btw now & september move back to Berlin. I want to make it clear here that this will become a Hannah specific place/writing space. Know I use tumblr more as a journal than anything. If only there was this coupled with a facebook & flickr or diviant art. Like how myspace used to operate at the start, for promotions & pr & concert bookings as well as artists etc.

The few main things I’m trying to majorly concentrate on

evb & getting that up n running

sorting this restaurant & what happens with it

artistic/design projects I have on (mainly freelance)

organizing selling all my shit so i can move 

while I await housing here

i would like to concentrate on equipment side of things

& the production entity, actually produce a first album this year (before xmas)

I’ve done music production for an extremely long time now & while every other idiot on the planet does it via computer with logic or cubase or whatever or uses garageband, I do it hardcore old school BY STUDIO & ACTUAL EQUIPMENT. I think about applying for this P/T in NL for night studies & business legal etc law in the day. Then figure out how I work as in a job 22 hours to comply for the Dutch student loan. Does running a flipping business count? When you’re in music I find YOUR LIFE IS A BUSINESS. It never stops. Whether you do pr makes tours, promote, do booking, produce, make music or are roadie hump equipment are a trucker/ driver or set up festivals do lights/sound deal with venues, run them, are catering or with legals tax etc or general dogsboy to all of the above. Basically this goes 365 days a year 24/7. You don’t get a holiday. Well very rarely do you get a holiday. NOR DO YOU GET REGULAR MONEY. Hence why we folded NCPR/SSNC UK & I opted out of running it with all the bullshit that went with it/the people surrounding it.

Street Dreams - In the studios of India’s Rotiographers, a remarkable collection of props and backgrounds make it possible for ordinary men and women to act our their fantasies and to celebrate rituals. The photographs are a compelling combination of the imagined and the real. Book edited by Val Williams and Anna Fox. Essay by Satish Sharma.

enough said. come on board.

inspiring-illustration:

Kyle Fewel

awesome. cloud still rules though. “dilly dally shimmy shally”. I’ll ALWAYS be a F&F elitist. Finally fantasy here. not fast & furious. awesome. i want people on board for the NEW PROJECTS 2012 BERLIN. WHY CANT WE HAVE @kickstarter europe for fucks sake? Damn beyond infurating. 

metatron-one:

DJ Scotch Egg- Scotch Bach

ill shit coming from a megaphone and a gameboy.

YES YES YES. I want THIS guy doing shows in B A R L I N. get on it. I wanna organize these club night ideas I have ASAP. message me about it. HERE. tumblr people. thanks

Pissed off i can’t get tumblr to retrive my previous post. you should all go here & campaign. Damn man I want to do a dedication. maybe our project aug-oct can be this? need to sit down & talk about it. looking at trialling evb on market stalls. berlin. lets see. i wanna come back. support this muthafucker. “mca where have you been?” hello nasty. 

http://metatron-one.tumblr.com/

http://hannahorovitz.tumblr.com/

grandroyal baby. i think john peel should get a thanks & thought here. if it wasn’t for his radio show, non of us 80s & 90s children wouldn’t know about great artists. Also that’s how I PERSONALLY found music. Amongst the nervermind grunge dominance & backstreet boys type crap.

I wonder whether the larz occupy ows etc can be combined. I like that type of stuff. I remember jan & my birthday as just hanging out, improv.. make it a global gathering phenomenon? yeah. bring out the MICROPHONES: yeah man cross convientional. I like that type of shit. why can’t those type of stuff be RECORDED? hahahaha. fun project. think about it. 

I was thinking a lot lately in my hours of crud crying upset of this STRESS since new year/xmas & leaving berlin/my bday, whether I continue with production or not. I need to do business shit really. I’d love to make my albums, yet I write all the time. Also the constant churn out of writing after writing is boring.

I wanna do it & RECORD it there & then I write it, take that energy, rack/wrack up a good production entity & have people I’m working with for that. Yet x needs to pay for y & that’s why I wanna make some form of group/charity where it REMEMBERS those LOST yet in the words of otimimus prime “our fallen commrades” yet support arts, artists, designers, film etc, all across the board.

Music itself as it becomes a “cybercrime” to release, Microsoft wants to move here, Google wanted to move in to Berlin, Sony, EMI etc, this has & is A MUST to be FOUGHT AGAINST. it’s a war, a global battle. I want there to be a way to almost how YZ NIN was about, pull/pool that TOGETHER. Get people fighting. 

OWS & Occupy has for me especially CHANGED & opened up so many avenues for MUSIC & ARTS to combine. Film game animation, I like a lot what was done for film things & TD/RW did in Berlin. WE KNOW these things work, so why can’t they go global? Be used in huge stadiums & I think of the DIY fest here. Get TD larz AFU occupy everyone on board. Lets work on this…..I’m deadly serious…..Cu ldn???? H.

I’ve realized I had to slow down recently. I’ve been through enough since January. I don’t wanna keep talking about it, going over it, piecing it slowly together every time I sleep, every time I wake up. As the ncis quote was last week “lets put a bollo out for Jason Bourne”. I feel pretty much like that. I feel my memory is fractured. 

So I am thinking more & more about the future. To the point where I want to focus hopefully on professional artistry/career. I’ve been wrestling with personally this dilemma of where do things go, who do I be or become, why do I want to do that? I don’t know about music & recording. I kinda wanna leave that open & see what comes up, experiment more with sound ideas & things I want to do.

I’ve had time away & time off, I really want to get back into mainly & mostly developing the company. I’m going to keep this here yet it will take a new name, so I need a webteam to get that done. I see myself being more open creative & creatively, I design a lot, I started making art again & I want to work on that. 

I always looked at having a shop, some kind of creative hub, where things are developed, a production entity of such. So I am building on that, what will be evb, trials of that, sorting business mainly. A long term focus is to build on culture & community arts. Things developing personally in life, I hope those will grow & determine who we are as people, individually, yet also artistically, professionally. 

I really want to be able to make DE my life & long term livelihood. I miss that buzz, that special special weird endurance stellar dynamic energy there is. Love my people & miss them too. I really feel the future is here, summer is coming, forget the past, focus now on where things are & are at, where they WILL go, what is to come, what people want, have to do to earn a living, have family, make ends meet!